I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
