can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
