i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
