I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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