he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
