did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
