she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
