Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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