I wish I could punch you in the face.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
is that a dick in a sweater?
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