She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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