He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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