I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
