i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
it glows. i had to have it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
