I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
