im about as happy as oj after his trial
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
