Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
