I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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