you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Someone signed my nipple.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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