On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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