i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
