I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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