Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
