hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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