we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
