You work out of a Hotel?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
