if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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