Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
