My hair reeks of homosexuality.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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