it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
