dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I should be sponsored by Trojan
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
