i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
