So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
