it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
