god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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