This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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