Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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