the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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