you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
