I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
