Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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