I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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