I faked an abortion last night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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