My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
