We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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