woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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