My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You are a genius and a whore.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize