But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize