i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's rum buckets o'clock
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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