Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
