did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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