everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
