if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
