I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
