Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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