i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
