It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize