I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
