My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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