Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
