just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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