Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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