i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
