Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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