Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This is not my ceiling
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My vagina just recognized that song.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
