I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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