I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
