I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
